i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
