im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
