I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
