Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
