look no pants
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
