Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
