i need an iv and a liver transplant
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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