I feel like abortions should bother me more
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
