Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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