he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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