This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
