i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Green mimosas i think yes
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
