your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
