it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
