Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
