I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
