and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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