Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
