cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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