I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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