Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
