The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
