Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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