We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
