do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
