As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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