They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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