I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
