I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
