Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You were trust falling into bushes
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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