How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
