Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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