i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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