you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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