Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
