My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
