listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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