someone get that fucking seahorse.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
