the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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