you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
