I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
