So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
