For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
