Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
