I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
