she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
