Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
