so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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