i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
