I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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